A letter to the 21 Egyptian Christians Myrtyrs

Dear Egyptian Christian Brothers who were murdered,
I watched the entire 5 minute video last night that ISIS released of your awful death. I saw your heads covered in sand and decapitated from your bodies. I saw the Mediterranean Sea colored red from your blood. I saw your brave last moments as I heard you cry out to Jesus. I saw your enemies make threats to the world and to the rest of the followers of the cross.

 

My eyes watched fear in your eyes.

My eyes watched bravery.

My eyes watched anger in the enemy.

My eyes watched sadness in your eyes.

My eyes watched evil barbarianism.

My eyes watched hope.

My eyes watched cowardly men hiding behind masks.

My eyes watched strength.

My eyes watched brutality.

My eyes watched a moment that changed me forever.

I cannot even begin to imagine what you, and countless other martyr’s before you, went thru as you gave your lives for the cause of Christ. You had the opportunity to renounce Christ, yet you didn’t. You had the opportunity to save your life here on this earth, yet you didn’t. You gave all you were for your Savior Jesus Christ.

My emotions are going all over the place as I reflect on what just happened. My heart aches for your families, your fellow country, and all who are mourning over the personal loss of your lives. I am grieved as imagine what it must have been like to have known you were about to die. I can’t imagine what it was like having your face in the sand unable to breathe and knowing it was your last. Then seconds later, a knife to your throat as they ripped your head off and (I assume) threw your bodies into the sea.  But then, Ahh…BUT THEN, MY HEART REJOICES, as I imagine what it must have been like in only a few moments later, having your Savior greet you with a tear stained face, and holding the biggest smile his cheeks can possibly withstand as he embraced you and told you how proud of you he was. To go from a completely barbaric moment, to a moment of utter bliss….I cannot fathom.

This morning when I woke up, I happened to read Psalm 37. I could not help but think of you the entire time I read it. It said things like not to fret because of evil men because they will soon wither. It said not to fret when evil men succeeded in their ways and carried out their wicked schemes because evil men will be cut off. It said that in a little while the wicked will be no more and that the Lord laughs at the wicked, because he knows their day is coming. It said that, “The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright. But their swords will pierce their own hearts, and their bows will be broken.” Then it went on to say how the Lord will not forsake his faithful ones and how He will protect them forever. It said that He is your stronghold in times of trouble and that the Lord helps and delivers the righteous from the wicked. I have to say, I felt mad when I read that. I felt like God abandoned you. I felt like God failed you. I said that out loud to my husband who was sitting right across the table from me, “Chris, God says he will save the righteous from the wicked but he didn’t for them.” My husband responded with, “Did God abandon Stephen, the first martyr? Did God abandon any of the martyrs? Our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers and principalities in the Spirit. It’s a spiritual battle, Danielle.” This is truth as well. Visually it may look like the enemy won with you. But in truth, all the enemy has done, is stir the embers to the fire that is about to happen. Hasn’t the enemy learned by now that any time you try to snuff out Christ, He only gets proclaimed further and spreads faster? Take a dandelion for example, if you pick one up in full bloom and try to rip it’s head off, there will be many more dandelions next year to take care of.  

Your death has caused MY HEART TO BURN with passion all the more for what is about to take place in our world. Your death has given my heart a greater boldness to stand up for the cause of Christ, to take my place of authority over the enemy, and to not fear the days to come and the suffering that will occur.

 

Know that your death was not in vain. Your death has started a fire within the souls of Christians all over the world. Your death was victory for the cause of Christ and we rejoice at the glory that is being revealed in you.  Your death causes me to dig my heals in deeper, and anchor in Christ more than ever. What the enemy has meant for evil, God will use for good! ISIS said that this was “A message signed with blood to the nation of the cross.” The last time someone dear to me left a message signed in blood, He started out with only 12 followers and changed the world. The enemy doesn’t know what he’s started. It’s only just begun!

Ever wonder if your kid will turn out ok?

So maybe I’m just being too sensitive, but it seems as my oldest son grows up, his heart is not as sensitive as it used to be. Maybe that’s what happens when little boys grow up. Fear and sadness try to creep into my heart as I think about what “THIS COULD MEAN? Will my son love Jesus? Will he love me? Will he love his wife? Will he be a decent human being that contributes to society? Will he ever hunger and be passionate for the Lord? Will he… will he… will he?” Then it transitions to me. “Oh my gosh, I’m the worst parent ever! My son doesn’t do (fill in whatever “Christian” thing you’re supposed to do) and so how will he ever turn out right? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to do different as a parent? Why does parenting having to be messy? Why can’t it be a black and white formula?” Then other times I laugh and tell myself that I am over analyzing everything. Gee ya think? The poor kid is only 10 years old!

Whether I am being super sensitive or not, really doesn’t matter though. Whether my desires for my son ever manifest in the future or not, really doesn’t matter. What matters, is RIGHT NOW. The desire to control the happy outcome of my son’s future is meaningless and futile. But what I can do, is live in this moment right now!

So tonight when these thoughts tried to overtake and grip my heart with fear, I decided I would do something to connect in this moment. Although my heart wanted to get in his face and freak out about the meaning and purpose of life, “Do you realize what life is all about? Do you get this? Do you know what Christ did for you?” Instead… I decided to dance. Yep. I cranked some fun dancing music on in the kitchen while I cooked supper, grabbed my 10 year old and said, “Come on…dance with your mama.” Of course I could tell by his slumped shoulders and painfully long face that he was real excited about this idea. Through my encouragement and silliness, he wasn’t moving. Finally I said through my sweet dance moves, “Come on boy, some day you will regret not dancing in the kitchen with your mama!”  Something clicked. He said, “You’re right mom. Someday I will.” At that moment, he got silly with me and started dancing and swinging through the kitchen. The schlump turned into smiles and laughter. The dancing didn’t last long between him and I. Soon the rest of the kids were all dancing in the kitchen and we were having a party as I took breaks to add ingredients to the dinner on the stove.

I am so thankful for my 5 minute dance party. It connected our hearts together, showed him I was in love with him and that I enjoyed him, and got me out of my freak-out funk. Although our hearts didn’t connect on the spiritual level that I am desiring, they did on an emotional level. We connected TODAY. And today is the only thing I have with my son. I don’t have tomorrow. I have today.

 Maybe this is a normal process to feel like you are losing your child. Maybe it’s not? Maybe I really am doing something wrong and need to reevaluate my parenting and relationship with my son. Regardless, the bottom line is, trusting the Lord. The Lord loves my son more than I do. He wants what’s best for him even more than I do. He will pursue my son, just as He pursued me. God’s got this. He will give me wisdom and show me the paths to take as I seek His face.  Yes, we will (and have) both make mistakes as we grow and mature. But for now, it’s good to be reminded that I am not God, and sometimes… we just need to dance.