Jonathan's 3rd day- Jesus Loves Me

Well, this morning when I didn't get the quite the report I wanted to hear. Although his fever had gone they had to increase the ventilator again as well as his blood pressure medicine. On top of it all, I started bleeding more than normal and had to go in to the clinic before we left for Fargo. It was quite the adventurous morning. Once we arrived here the doctor told us that he had the thought to check his cortasol (sp?) levels. It's a hormone that the adrenal gland produces that is supposed to help fight when you're sick. And sure enough his levels were too low. So he replenished those hormone levels which he said by 8:00 tonight we should start to see a difference in Jonathan from this. The doctor said he thought this was probably the culprit the whole time. Sure enough today we saw his blood pressure start to return to normal. He is slowly getting weaned off of his blood pressure medicine. He is also at a normal newborn heart rate as well today. It was too high before. So we have some positives in with some disappointments. But, tomorrow is a new day and we are just continuing to believe that his lungs are getting better and better.

My heart broke today as I witness my son cry with no sound. I couldn't hardly take it. Seeing his little arms moving with all the stuff hooked up to him and his face all scrunched up like he was crying...but hearing no sound was just so sad. Taking the cry of a baby for granted is something I will never do again. I'll smile when that ventilator comes out and I get to hear him grunt and even scream. :-) I was pumping at the time this was happening and Chris said, "Danielle, I think you need to get over here as soon as you can." He had been holding his arms down so they weren't ripping cords and flailing everywhere. So as soon as I was done I went over and pet his head, held his little fingers and began to sing through my tears, "Jesus Loves Me" to him. He seemed to calm down when I started singing to him. It was the neatest thing. When I was pregnant with him I would rock Luke every night and sing that song to Luke. I figured it would be familiar to him since Luke sat on him every night as I sang that. It was really neat as I came to the part where it says, "...little ones to Him belong...they are weak but HE IS STRONG." Who would have tought the song 'Jesus Loves Me' would have been so encouraging to hear myself at this time. To remind myself that HE IS STRONG even though my little one is weak is what it was all about.

I also struggled today more so than ever with the thought of, "If I had just listened to the doctor and not pushed so hard we wouldn't be here right now. This is all my fault." I even asked Chris if he was mad at me. If he felt like this was my fault. He didn't feel that way in the least and was so good to remind me that this isn't my fault it's Satan's fault. It's the fact that we don't live in a perfect world. It was hard fighting those thoughts today though.

Isaac made a "baby toy" for Jonathan at school and asked me to give it to him. So I put it on Jonathan for Isaac to see on this picture.

But today I have also been more thankful than ever. It's amazing how thankful I feel at this time. Here are a few of the things I was thanking God for today:
1. That my parents have an apartment in Fargo for us to stay in that's 10 minutes away.
2. That I have such wonderful family and friends to help us with our kids.
3. That I have a strong godly husband to be by my side
4. For our cell phones that have enabled us to do so much more and be such a blessing to us at this time. I even got to use the GPS today and hear the lady talk to me. Sounds corny but it was so fun! Teehee!
5. For the support of prayers we are receiving
6. Chris wants me to let you all know that he was thankful today for his hat when it was hailing outside. HA HA!!
7. For my breast pump!!!
8. The fact that I have very little to no pain right now!
9. This could be so much worse! The fact that I have a baby who is alive and not as bad as so many out there is so great! It's funny because they refer to him as a bigger baby (compared to the preemies here) but to me he's so little. All my other kids were in the 7 and 8 lb range so to have a 6 lb range seems so little to me.

Anyways, I could go on and on wiht my thankful list but I need to wrap it up here. I just wanted to give you all an update on how everything's going. I'll try to update again tomorrow night.  Thank you again for your continued prayers. We love you!
Danielle